bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
