I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
