a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
