just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
