My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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