I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
