Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
