i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
