If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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