booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
