i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
