ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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