i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
