Do you still have your period?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
