i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
