found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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