He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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