sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
