What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
even my farts smell like vagina
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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