I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
