I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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