I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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