Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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