Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Mom said you looked used
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
