think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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