Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
