he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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