Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
