I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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