I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
