I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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