i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
