Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to align my fucking chakras
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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