How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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