once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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