They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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