you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
