she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
