i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
