last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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