i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
