My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
