in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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