never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
