I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
