watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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