I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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