Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
