It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
