why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
