She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
