Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm both gender and math confused
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
